Stress Stuff - Quick Gag Gifts with Funny Quotes & Poems

Small Note:    Copyright on poems have to stay with the poems - please.

Compilation by Jazz!

Anti-Stress Kit
Draw a large circle on a piece of paper & put 'bang head here' in the center of that circle. Then type on the instructions as below:
Place on hard surface, then...
Bang Head
Here
Continue until anti-depressed
Or you become unconscious

Stress relieving bubbles
Pop one sheet of stress relieving capsules every 4-6 hours or as needed.
Warning - May become addictive. In case of overdose please seek professional counseling.

When you are stressed and full of troubles
just grab a sheet and smash some bubbles!
Watch problems go with a loud "pop pop"
soon your spirits will be back on top.
This is therapeutic and once in a while
you'll find yourself begin to smile!
---by Les

Tie a few squares of bubble wrap with ribbon, add a sprig of dried flowers tucked in the bow and the verse above.

#3 -

Anti=stress survival kit
contains the following :
...Bubbles: blow your troubles away
... Candle: To light up the darkness
... Confetti: To add some sparkle to your life.
... Cotton Ball: For the rough roads ahead.
...elastic - to help you stretch beyond limits
.... eraser, so you can make all your troubles disappear; A reminder that we all make mistakes, but we can wipe the slate clean..
... Hug & Kiss: To remind you that someone cares about you!
... Lifesaver: To remind you of the many times others need your help and you need theirs.
....marble, in case someone says you've lost all of yours; To keep you rolling along; for days when you've lost all yours.
... Paper Clip: To hold everything together when it falls apart.
....penny, so you never need to say you are broke.
... Rainbow: A reminder that after every storm comes a rainbow
....rubber band, to stretch yourself beyond your limits; To keep you bouncing back and flexible.
.....string, to tie things together when everything falls apart.
...Tissue: For drying your tears.

'Bless You' Button
On a decorated card, sew a button, with this poem:
This little button
That you can see,
Carries a blessing
To you from me.
I ask the Lord's blessing
Especially for you
Know His love is present
In everything you do.
---idea from Carmen

Care Package
...Bag - to help you keep it all together
...Candle - to give you light when you feel burned out.
... Chocolate kiss - to remind you that someone cares.
...Confetti - to help you celebrate the good times.
... Lifesaver - to remind you that everyone needs help once in a while.
... Penny - with thanks for sharing your thoughts.
... Rose - to remind you to take time to smell the flowers.
... Smarties - to help you on days when you don't feel so smart.
... Snickers bar - to remind you to see the funny side -- there is one!
...Stick of gum - to remind you to stick with it.
---unknown source

Chocolate: In Case of Emergency...
A Hershey bar in a frame with , In case of emergency........break glass. The candy was situated in the middle of the frame.

Steps for chocoholics:
1. Admit you have a problem.
2. Admit there is no cure.
3. Don't worry about it any more.

Eat a bug
Put punched, gummy or toy bugs in a bag with these toppers:

#1 -

When you are upset
and in need of a hug
take care of that need -
just eat a bug.
---jazbo

#2-

You are annoying
and want a hug;
sorry; can't help you
so go eat a bug.
---jazbo

#3 -

When you are upset
And kind of feeling blue
Here are some juicy bugs
Upon which you can chew
katieangelamber©2005

#4 -

Gee you're really whiney
would you like cheese with that?
Please just go away
and stop acting like a brat!
You should go eat a bug
to sweeten up your mood
get out of my sight
I think you're very rude.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~

Eat a frog
Put punched, toy, gummy frogs in a baggie with this topper:

#1 -

First thing in the morning, eat a frog. Nothing worse can happen to you.

#2 -

Some days really suck
you wish you stayed in bed
but things could be worse
you might have woke up dead!
So to make sure things get better
and smoother times lay ahead
eat a frog in the morning
then there's nothing worse to dread.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~

#3 -

Eating a frog
About midday
Will help to keep
The horney TOADS away
katieangelamber©2005

#4 -

When you feel the urge to shop
But you need some extra hop
A couple of frogs will put you over the top
So you can shop till you drop
katieangelamber©2005

#5 -

Some days are really bad
you want to stay in bed
but here's a little trick
that someone once said.
To help your day improve
and to clear your head
eat a frog in the morning
then there's nothing left to dread.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~

Friendship Survival Kit
... band aid - for hurt feelings, yours or someone else's; to help a friend who needs mending
...button - to remind you to sometimes "button your lip" when you have nothing good to say; close your mouth before saying an unkind word.
... Candle - for you to share you light; You light up my life
... CHOCOLATE KISS is to comfort you when you are feeling sad; Everyone needs daily TLC
... cotton ball - cushioned support of friends for the rough road ahead; To cushion the rough roads, a symbol of support from family and friends; to remind you that this room is full of friends, kind words, and warm feelings.
... eraser - to remind you that everyday you can start with a clean slate; that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay
... flower: In the "garden of life" each friendship is beautiful and unique.
... Gold thread - to remind you that friendship is the golden thread that ties together the hearts of everyone
... Gum: A reminder that friends stick together through good and bad.
... Happy Face: Smiling increases face value and is contagious!
... Hugs & Kisses - for when you need a hug
... Jewel - because you are as valuable as any precious stone!
... Lifesaver candy - to remind you of the many times others needed your help and you theirs; that you can come to me if you need someone to talk to; because we're always willing to help each other
... Marbles - to replace the ones you've lost
... Mint: A reminder that you are WORTH A MINT as my friend!!!!!!
... Mounds bar - for the "mounds" of love and support between friends
...Note card: to send a long overdue greeting to a friend or relative
... Paper Clip: To keep everything together.
... penny - so you'll never be broke; you are valuable and special
... Playing card: a reminder to be playful and have fun
... puzzle piece - without you, your friends aren't complete
... Rock: To remind you of the durability of our friendship.
... rubber band - try to be flexible; For flexibility!; to remind you to hug somebody.
... Safety pin: to bind us together in friendship
... Small smooth stone: to remind you that rough times refine and polish- use for smoother tomorrows
... STAR is to remind you to shine and always try your best; To reflect your inner beauty
... STICKER is to remind you that we all need to stick together and help each other
... Sweet & Sour Tarts: A reminder to appreciate the differences in others.
... THREAD is to remind you that friendship ties our hearts together
... Tissues - to wipe the tears of joy and sadness; to help dry a friend's tears when their feelings have been hurt
...A toothpick - to help you "pick" out the good qualities in others and yourself; to be easy going, and not too picky

LIFE SAVERS
A packet of lifesavers and poem:
Problems come and go,
That's the way it goes,
But remember life is sweet
If you overlook the holes.
~Author Unknown~

Lift your spirits
sweet & sour candy: to help you appreciate the difference in others.
a stick of gum: to remind you to stick with it.
a chocolate kiss: to remind you that someone loves you
eraser: to remind you that every day you can start with a clean slate.
a poem: to share the beauty of words
Quarter: if you need a friend call me
confetti: to celebrate your joys of life
Bandaid for some of life's hurts
Rubber band to help you stretch your perspective
Package of powdered lemonade: When life gives you lemons make lemonade
Tissue- to dry tears
string - to hold things together
Pair of googly eyes - a reminded to keep your eyes on the Lord
A nail file - in case you run into any rough personalities
(or for filing away those rough moments)
mirror-a reminder to always be a reflection of God's love
Tooth pick - help you pick out the good in others
hair brush - so you can brush away your tears
pair of socks - reminder to keep both feet on the ground
Visor- to shield you from life's sorrows
Peace sign - reminder to rest in God's peace
Breath mints - so your words are always clean
Visine - to help you see clearly

Magic wand

Here's a special magic wand
To use as you see fit
Use it if your need is great
Or just a little bit
You deserve the very best
That life can offer you
So go ahead and make a wish
And watch your dreams come true!
---Jennifer Byerly

Office, workplace (dammit doll)

When the workplace is getting you down,
And, you go around wearing a frown....
When the boss does nothing but nag...
Til he/she makes you want to gag....
When working is taking its' toll
That's the time to take this doll.
Wham it, and slam it, and give it a shake....
Yell dammit, dammit, for goodness sake....
That should help you until your next "coffee break"......
---gsnap

office decision dice

tomorrow
sit on it
yes
today
pass the buck
maybe
regroup
no

file #13 (or round file)
reshuffle
computer is down
gone to lunch
press 1
press 2 (etc.)
this line is busy

Problem solving
Gum - to have a stick-to-it attitude
Lollipop - to help you lick your problems
Paper clip - so you can hold things together
Penny - so you'll have enough 'cents' to realize you are a valuable asset to your friends & family
Piece of string - so you can tie up loose ends
Pin - to pin-point problems
Rubber band - to keep you flexible
Toothpick - so you won't be too picky

Relaxation
Nice for those little 'extras'. . . package together:
1 bath fizz ball,
1 candle/tea light
1 scrumptious bonbon....
(I packaged mine in crocheted boxes with pastel tissue paper and shimmery ribbons)
a votive candle

matches
include the following:
Instructions for use
1. Light candle
2. Lock Bathroom Door
3. Drop bath bead into warm bath
4. Soak in Bath
5. Eat Chocolate .
.... ...Result: Complete Relaxation Serves One
--by Beth CT

Rice or Stress Bags
Cut a piece of fabric, 15x6. Sew around 3 sides; turn RS out. Sew lengthwise down the middle, forming 2 'tunnels'. Fill each tunnel with long grain rice. Add cinnamon sticks, rosemary, tea tree oil, chamomile, flax see, aromatherpy oils, etc. Stitch the open end closed.
Warm - by placing in nuker 1-2 min.
Cold - put in plastic bag & freeze for 2 hrs.

This is a Round Tuit.
Guard it well because tuits are hard to obtain.
Especially the round ones.
This indispensable item
will help you become a more
efficient person. For years
you have heard people say,
"I'll do it as soon as I get
a round tuit." Now that
you have one, you can
accomplish all those
things you put off
until you got a
round tuit.

Scratch your mad place
Put some sand paper or steel wool in a baggie with this topper:

When you are mad
and want to punch face,
instead just grab this
and scratch your mad place.
---jazbo

#2 -

When you get that angry feeling
Pull yourself up short with grace
Grab this handy scratcher (or sand paper. or steel wool, etc)
And wildly scratch your mad place
...katieangelamber©2005

#3 -

When your blood is boiling
and your tempers rising fast
try to count to ten
and make your patience last.
Find a place that's private
where no one else can see
and scratch your mad place
you'll feel better I guarantee.
© Sue Pitchfork 2005~

The Sponge Survival Kit
- give a small sponge and add this list of uses to the sponge
When in doubt, pull the "sponge" out to:
-wipe away those little and big messes we get ourselves into
-dab off the perspiration from our brow when the heat is on
-wring when a neck is not available
-toss against the wall should we be in the need of having a temper tantrum
-rest our head on when a short nap is in order
-pick at instead of pulling our hair out
-to squeeze when a hug is the answer
-to give to a friend when a friend is in need
unknown source

Stress Relief Kit
A small box, wrapped so the lid can be removed, & with a ribbon bow. Inside the box on the bottom is glued{ 1-blue glass pebble; 2- mini million dollar bill; & 3- a red wooden plug;. Instructions glued to the lid read:

1. For instant relief...rub the blue stone gently in a circular motions. Feel the soothing relief. If there is no relief, go to #2.

2. Spend with wild abandon...DO NOT forget the special friend who bought you this kit. If this fails, proceed to #3.

3. Press red button firmly. This will immediately relieve you of all irritants such as the following: bratty children; noisy neighbors; uninvited cats & dogs in your yard; irritating & bothersome co-workers, bosses & friends; rude/stupid people & other things that bother you.

#2 -

It's a small plastic lace bag (I'll use a piece of lace material instead for a prettier touch) and includes:
1 stick of gum
1 candy kiss
1 pkg of smarties
1 starburst candy
1 mini snickers
1 tootsie roll
1 individually wrapped lifesaver candy

The attached tag says:

A Gift of Stress Relief!
A stick of gum: to remind you to "stick with it"!
A kiss: to remind you that you are loved!
Smarties: to help you on those days when you don't have all the answers!
Starburst: to give you a "burst" of energy when you need it!
Snickers: because sometimes you just need to laugh!
Tootsie Rolls: to remind you not to bite off more than you can chew!
Lifesavers: for those days when you need to be "rescued"!

A Bag:
to help you hold it all together and give you "food for thought"!

Stress dammit doll

Whenever things don't look so well...
And you want to hit the wall and yell...
Here's a little balance boy
To remind you what to do.
Just grasp him firmly by the legs
And think about your talents
And as he looks back out at you
Yell, "Balance! Balance! Balance!"

I've made for you this dammit doll
To sit upon your desk
So when someone gets on your nerves
Just wring it's little neck
And as the morning lingers
If things don't keep on track
Then take it down and twist it's arm
Behind it's little back
As afternoon approaches
If you get a lot of woe
Pick up the doll and kick it
With the point of your right toe
Then after school is over
And you feel you've lost your wit
Just shake it, thump it and give vent
Shouting dammit dammit dammit
(C) 0204 Yvonne Lowther

Stress Sack
This is your stress sack. Use it so no one can step on your last nerve!
Rubber band-A reminder to stretch your mind, body, and soul.
Tissue-A reminder that suffering is part of life, and so is reaching out to ourselves and others.
Candy Kiss and Hug-A reminder that we all need a hug or kiss or word of encouragement every day.
Penny-A reminder to value our thoughts and share them with others.
Eraser-A reminder that we can make mistakes and, more often than not, correct them.
Toothpick-A reminder to tolerate differences and "pick out" good qualities in others.
Paper clip-A reminder to keep "it" (whatever "it" is) in order Smarties-A reminder that we as teachers have so much to offer.

Sunshine box
Make sure the box is yellow....or wrap all the gifts in bright yellow paper.
magazine
2. lemon drops
3. A box of Sunkist fruit chews
4. A sunkist labeled orange
5. yellow smiley face stickers
6. yellow slippers
7. Packet of lemonade
8. yellow socks
9. Yellow pillow case
10. Yellow recipe cards
11. Yellow Post-a-Notes
12. Lemon Cookies or Lemon Cake
13. Box of yellow tissues.
14. A funny VHS or DVD
15. An uplifting & funny book, make a yellow bookcover.
16. "Bottled Sunshine".
17. photos from a sunny day at the beach
18...a yellow yo-yo angel with get well wishes
19...a joke jar with yellow candies & get well jokes
20...fill a small jar with fine beach sand, a couple of shells, etc.
21...funky yellow sunglasses
22...yellow markers, etc.
23...send her a sunny postcard once a week
24. yellow balloons
25. bouquet of yellow flowers or sunflowers

Teacher Survival Kit
Crayon - to color your day bright and cheerful
Candle - for when you are up late grading papers
Hugs and Kisses - for when you need a hug
Rubberband - to remind you to be flexible
Eraser - to remind you everyone makes mistakes and they can be erased.
Marbles - to replace the ones you've lost
Lifesaver candy - you are a lifesaver to many of your students
Jewel - because you are as valuable as a precious stone
Puzzle Piece - without you the class wouldn't be complete
Paperclip - to hold it all together
Mounds Bar - for the mounds of confidence you give your students
Shiny Penny - to remind you, each will shine in their own special way
Ear Plugs - when you just can't take anymore
Starburst - to give you a "burst" of energy when you need it
Mint - to remind you that you are worth a "mint" to your students
Tissues - to wipe away the tears...yours and theirs.
Gum - to help your class "stick" together
Bandaid - to help fix any hurt feelings

Teacher tranquilizers

Lost lesson plan-eat 1 blue tablet
Gave wrong homework assignment-eat 1 red tablet
Field day-eat 1 brown tablet and 2 orange
Parent teacher conference-eat 3 yellow tablets
Students noisy-eat 2 green and 1 blue tablet
No school supplies-eat half the bag
Under total stress-eat entire bag and take nap

Thinking of you

FROG for when you need to jump to it
ROPE when you get to the end, tie a knot & hang on
BALLOON to let the air out of your worries
RUBBER BAND to help you stretch beyond your expectations
PAPER CLIP to hold it all together
PUZZLE PIECE to remind you that you are an important piece of the universe
PENCIL to write down all your troubles
ERASER to rub them all out
TOOTHBRUSH to reach the hard to clean places
RULER to help measure the length of your tether
MIRROR to reflect on your reaction
SAFTEY PIN to help keep it all together
LIFESAVER for when you feel you are drowning in debt
PAPER MONEY so your purse will never be empty
CANDLE to light the end of the tunnel
BUTTERFLY to show life can be beautiful

Throw a fit

( I'm A Fit)made from yarn and was tied up with wiggly eyes and a poem, she had them in all colors and the poem said,,
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU
THROUGH ALL YOUR TEMPER
OF ANGER. WHEN YOU FEEL
YOUR BLOOD RISING AND
YOUR TEMPER AT A BREAKING
POINT,DON'T THROW
SOMETHING THAT MIGHT
BREAK...JUST PICK ME
UP AND ....THROW A FIT!!!!

#2 -

I'm a Fit
When you're at your wits end
and your wondering what to do,
That's where I come in,
I'm a "Fit" to throw for you !
There's times when we get angry,
and we reach a breaking point.
So when you're at your wits end
and your wondering what to do...
That's where I come in,
I'm a "Fit" to throw for you !!!
---Julie

Tube sox
Partially fill one sock; sew closed. Insert into other sock. When it becomes soiled, just remove & wash.

#1 -

This little pillow is filled with rice,
& is such a comforting device.
Nuke for 1-2 minutes on High
& kiss those aches & pains goodbye.
Apply it to a troubled spot,
The heat will ease the pain a lot.
Or warm those little toes so cold
You'll find this nice to have & to hold.
Or freeze it for a little while
& fix that boo-boo up in style.
Instead of a compress made of ice
Use this pillow filled with rice.

#2 -

when your muscles are aching & feeling sore,
just use this pad & they'll hurt no more.

#3 -

Keep me nearby &
I'll watch over you each day
To keep you from stressing
During both work & play!
(Shirely Thomas)

#4 -

I'm your little comfort bag.
Keep me by your easy chair
2 min in the microwave
I'll warm you everywhere.
I'll ease the aching in your knee
Your feet, & twisted neck -
That arthritis in the hands,
I'll chase away by heck.
Keep me very close to you
When chilly times begin,
Just zap me several times & see
Together we'll have more vim.
(Jane Dumont)

#5 -

On aching backs or shoulders,
Or necks or hurting heads;
Apply it cold or heated
For comfort it is said.
2 minutes in the nuker
or in the freezer overnight,
makes this little Pain Pal
a virtual delight.
---Linda

Tylenol Candles

You will need 1 red and 1 white or yellow votive. Match the candles bottom to bottom, wrap in cellophane candy style. Print one of the poems and attach to the ribbons on the end.

From dusk to dawn and far beyond,
A mother's work is never done!
There's always one more thing to do,
It isn't always fun!!
This 'Tylenol' is just for you,
To catch a moments rest!
Light one--sit down, take a little rest,
And know that you are surely blessed!!

--or--

You work so hard,
please don't be blue,
this 'Tylenol' is just for you!!
If at the end of the day you find,
that you're about to lose your mind,
this 'Tylenol' when lit, I pray,
will help your stress to melt away!!
Who gives a darn?

Winter blahs
Tic-Tacs, Pocket Tissues, Hand Sanitizer, Motrin IB packet, Airborne packet, and a few Dark Chocolate and Caramel Treasures.

Work Sucks Pills
....helps you to love your job

#1 -

Does work give you a headache
If that is exactly your case
Then take a couple of Work Sucks pills
And do it with great haste

No longer will you hate your job
You'll fly right through the day
So hurry up & pop those pills
Do it right away!
© 2005 Laurie

#2 -

Do you hate your job
And don't know what to do
Well then, guess what honey
I've got the cure for you

Just take a couple of these pills
And in no time you'll find
No longer do you hate
Working 9 to 5.
© 2005 Laurie

#3 -

Another work day
same old daily grind
but what you think of work
is just a state of mind.
These pills will help you
to cope with your career
and the thought of payday
is sure to bring you cheer.
©Sue Pitchfork 2005~

~ WORRY ANGEL ~
I am just a little angel,
sitting upon your fridge,
here to watch for trouble,
and any trouble, bridge,
I am just a frazzled angel,
and what a job I've got,
since I've been watching over you
my nerves are really shot.
by shirleyt@craftsayings.com

Worry Basket

Carry Your Worries Away
A basket can carry
many things
From food to mail,
or balls of string.
But one special thing
this basket can do
Is carry away
your worries for you.
When it is empty
fill it with your worries
up to the top
you're halfway there;
please don't stop.
Then place this basket
on your dresser each night
and when you wake up
to your delight
An empty basket you will find
with no worries to upset
your peace of mind.
Now start your day
Happy that your worries
were carried away.

or
This little basket comes to say
You're a special friend in every way....
So pass it on but don't get caught
Do it in secret as Jesus taught.

Worry bird
make the bird out of two triangles and like to have two different fabrics, one for each side. Sew together and stuff. Each one looks different. Wings are felt and feet - yarn with a bead on the end.

Poem & Instructions: Worry Wart
https://www.craftsayings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=142

Worry Bird
I'm a little worry bird
But I haven't come to stay
Just tell me all your worries
Then I'll take them and fly away!
~~Lisajo Wolff

#2 -

This Little Worry Bird
has come to say....
Tell me your troubles,
and, I'll take them
away....
He doesn't want worries
to burden you....
So tell them to him, and
he will comfort too....

#3 -
Give all your worries to
this worry bird each day.
He'll peck them to pieces
and flutter them away!
by shirleyt@craftsayings.com

#4 -

"I'm your worry bird.
Don't be sad.
Don't be blue.
I'll be the bird
that will worry for you."
----Linda aka Retschoolmarm

#5 -

Said the robin to the sparrow,
I surely would like to know;
Why these anxious human beings
rush about and worry so.
Said the sparrow to the robin,
it is truly plain to see,
they have no Heavenly Father,
Such as cares for you and me.

#6 -

This worry wart will be your friend
And when your day is at an end
Just relax.....Worry no more.....
Cuz that's what this little wart is for!

Yoyo Angel
I am just a little worrier
I sit upon your window sill.
You do not have to worry now
Because you know that I will.
I am a frazzled angel,
& what a job I've got!
Since I have been looking after you
My nerves are really shot!