Gag gifts

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Gag Gift ideas with poems from Jazz's collection

[> Re: gag gifts for the holidays - anyone making any? -- jazz, 14:06:34 10/28/13 Mon [1] Don't know about any new holiday gag gifts, but your comments on small pieces of wood caught my attention. There are all sorts of painted, stamped, etc., blocks that spell out Fall; Happy New Year; 2014; stack 2-3 into a snowman shape; etc.

Bag This Idea
We are giving this bag as your Chistmas Gift,
Now do not get angry and do not be miffed.
Along with this gift are the top ten ways,
To use the bag through the holidays.

Number one is simple and easy you see,
Put a gift in the bag and send it to me.

Number two use some markers and stickers to dress it up nice,
Give to a neighbor filled with sweet smelling spice.

Number three with adult supervision required,
Put in sand and a candle and light when desired.

Number four is to tie it with twine on your tree,
Then you'll have an ornament to remind you of me.

Idea number five will help you stay slim,
For diets on Christmas are very grim.
Fill the bag with your favorite holiday snack,
Close up the top and give it a smack.
Then eat all you want and keep your attitude cool,
Broken treats have no calories and that is the rule.

Number Six (for tree huggers only)
Recycle this bag with your paper stacks,
And save a tree from getting the ax.

Number seven take the bag outside where it's cold,
Fill it with snow, use the bag as a mold.
Into the freezer the sack it will go,
Save till JUly, when your longing for snow.

Number eight fill the sack with can goods for the needy,
When you get to Heaven you won't look so greedy.

Number nine this bag is good for storing those leftover bows,
The reason you keep them, nobody knows.
Number Ten is to fill the bag with tinsel and confetti,
At the New Years Eve Party you will be ready.

I gave you my ideas to fill you with cheer,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.
(author unknown by me)

Candy gag gifts
Bag of coal - licorice
Bah! Humbug - gummy bugs
Don't eat the yellow snow - lemon drops
Elf pillows - peppermint pillow candies
Mistletoes - gummy feet
Rudolph noses - red hots
We fish you a Merry Christmas - swedish fish

Christmas exerciser
Make this holiday season a Ho-Ho-Ho lot of fun by giving yourself a gift!
1. Place this present in the middle of the floor
2. Walk around it 2 times & give it a lift!
3. Repeat as necessary - a time-saver, no doubt;
4. Needs no batteries, has no working parts to wear out.
---jazbo 12.05

Gift Not Included
I got a wonderful idea from this forum last year that I used for my brother. I bought two AA batteries, put them in a box with a note saying "Gift not included" #1 -

Christmas crept up on me
And time ran short
So wrapping your present
I had to abort
Here's the batteries
To the gift I eluded
But by the way (or I'm sorry to say)
The gift's not included
katieangelamber © 2005

gag gift suggestions for brother
Posted By: Sandra
Date: 2003/4/10 2:58 p.m.

My request is a little unusual, and I've posted it on other boards. My brother traveled to Alaska this year, and ate reindeer at a banquet he was at. My kids have really given him a hard time about "eating one of Santa's reindeer" and want to do something "mean" to their uncle in his Christmas stocking this year...any suggestions?? We've already done snowman & reindeer poop in the past & would like something else! Thanks so much for your help!!! Sandra.

Posted By: ~Angel Wings~(Angel & Bible BB Host)
Date: 01/11/9 11:08 p.m.
Hi Sandra, Here's what I came up with.. Never really thought of this before. Thanks for the idea. You could fix a label with a saying on it....and put it on potted meat..tuna fish..etc.

~Reindeer Delight~
Spread on bread and eat as conscience allows.
Santa's watching you.
by © ~Charlene Dickerson~ 2001

Or how about a sign...

~No Eating Santa's Reindeer~
Santa's not happy with you this year.
He misses his favorite reindeer.
His heart is sad and His eyes are blue,
He can't believe the things you do.
He understands you need to eat,
but his reindeer are not a treat.
by ©~Charlene Dickerson~ 2001

Or fashion some antlers out of something and place them in a bag...maybe even a little fur, fake eyes..etc.

~Reindeer Parts~
Inside this bag I placed so dear,
what was left of Santa's reindeer.
Someone was caught being bad,
they ate the best reindeer Santa had.
by ©~Charlene Dickerson~ 2001

Posted By: Debbie
Date: 01/11/9 10:35 p.m.
How about some coal?
I've seen it in little tins.I bought some one year as a joke for my brother. Deb.

Posted By: kallen/karen/k... allen
Date: 2003/4/10 2:57 p.m.
Thought if any of you had any different gag gifts. Most of us know the Hillbilly Bubble Bath, for example.
For those of you that don't know this one, it's a baggie with some navy beans in it and a label or "topper" saying, "Cook, then eat 1 hour before bathing."
Would be kinda fun to have as many as we can archived here for easy reference. karen allen

Posted By: linda_g
Date: 01/4/15 7:43 a.m.

Magic Weight Loss Beans:
Put some large dried beans into a baggie and add these directions.
1. Remove beans from bag.
2. Throw them on the floor.
3. Bend down and pick up each bean.
4. Repeat hourly as needed.

Take some large white lima beans and paint black spots on them, put them in a baggie.
Staple saying to baggie. Saying has two sides.
COW SEEDS (Has a picture of a cow on it)
1.Start your own herd.
2. Plant the seeds in warm spot right side up. Cow will grow upside down if planted wrong.
3. Be patient, it takes a long time to start your own herd.
4. For best results, MOO softly while watering.
from Linda

Posted By: Joyce C
Date: 01/4/15 11:32 p.m.

Red neck fishing = stick of dynamite
I got a wonderful idea from this forum last year that I used for my brother.
I bought two AA batteries, put them in a box with a note saying "Gift not included"
He thought it was a hoot!!

The home exerciser is a block of wood with this saying printed on paper glued to it
1. Place in middle of the floor
2. Walk around it two times
3. Rest, you've just walked around the block two times.

(ordinary flexible drinking straw attached to a card that says:)
Take deep breath.
Place one end of dryer in mouth.
Bend over.
Place other end of dryer near belly button. Blow. Repeat if necessary.
CAUTION - Do NOT inhale when dryer is near belly button.

Take a sparkly pipe cleaner, cut in half, glue a cotton ball on one end and a small bunch of flowers with bow on the other end.

you need: any color pipe cleaner, long bead, cardboard stock printing paper, small piece of wood (optional).
Cut pipe cleaner in 3" sections.
Take one end and push down into bead.
Roll remaining pipecleaner into a circle. (The bead & pipe cleaner now look like a small toilet brush.)

How about a "Senior Citizen's Money Clip?
Take card stock and print the print like this:
Leave enough space in the middle to glue a penny in a paper clip.
You can also make the money clip out of the tab that comes off a soda/beer can... Just bend it with pliers around a penny.

I saw an ad on t.v.
A big box with the label "Unfinished furniture".
Inside the box is a branch, leaves and all!

"Pork & Beans" as a gag gift.
Glue a small pig on the lid of a baby food jar and inside the jar add some dried beans.

Straw hat
Put some straw in a zip-loc bag and attach a tag that reads "Straw Hat --Assembly Required"

Penny Pincher
A mini spring type clothes pin with a penny clipped in it, and write on the clothespin "Penny Pincher"

Expert Jigsaw Puzzle
I saw these somewhere.
Sawdust in a small zip lock bag.
Labeled "Expert Jigsaw Puzzle"

Diamond Stick Pin:
Glue a dime on a stick ("dime-on" Stick) and add a pin back.
A little card that says something to the effect that you have too expensive of taste for our frugal budget or explain the pun.

Old Age Pills:
In a bag or jar use jelly beans and attatch this note.
Yellow - gas
green - constipation
black - forgetfulness
purple - arthritis
white - baldness
orange - deafness
pink - wrinkles
red - sex
NOTE: Red pill may be cut in half if needed.

To temporarily calm your craving for chocolate, eat the BROWN one.
At the first sign of hot flashes eat the RED one.
Eat the ORANGE one to minimize depression.
The GREEN one calms your frustrations, when you want to be left alone.
If you feel a headache coming on eat the YELLOW one.
The BLUE one reduces bloating.
If all symptoms occur at the same time, eat the WHOLE bag.

Take one each day.
If they start tasting like gum balls.
You're getting smarter already!
(You can use gumballs for this.)

Another idea is, paint a face on a large lima bean (just eyes nose and a mouth) and put in a small plastic bag with a lable that says *Grow Your Own Dope, Plant a Man*.

Fish Seeds:
(Put this topper on a little baggie of goldfish crackers.
It makes a cute little gag gift for the fishermen in your life.)

It's known you like to fish a lot,
your line dropped in the water.
But sometimes they aren't biting,
so you can't catch what you oughter!
When these times come, just grab
this pack of ready-to-grow fish seed,
then raise them till they fit the size
your best "fish stories" need!

A melted snow man.
Take a mason jar or some sort of clear jar and put water in it. Put in a carrot, a button and two small pieces of coal. I thought about charcoal??? Put a label on the jar that reads: "Melted snow man. May be refrozen and molded into original snow man head.

"Hillbilly Kits"
for some family members and friends:
Take a pair of men's briefs and sew the legs shut. attached elastic handles to the waist band with buttons. then put the following into the "brief case" ...

nail = hillbilly toothpick
old car key = hillbilly ear wax remover
cut up newspaper strips the size of toilet paper = hillbilly toilet paper
a jar of beans = hillbilly bubble bath
matches and a jar = hillbilly lantern
belly button brush
Enjoy, Joyce

dust pan cookie poem
Posted By: AdeleH
Date: 2003/4/10 2:55 p.m.
Desty, here is the one I have...and don't forget, please, to leave the name of the person that wrote it,when you use the poem. (^: Adele

Dustpan Cookies
Make or buy the recipient's favorite cookies. Break them up, but not too much! Put them on a NEW dust pan. (Due to the psychological factor here you may still want to put them in a clear bag first!) Wrap the dustpan with cookies in cellophane or clear plastic wrap and tie at the handle with curly ribbon. Print poem here, tear edges to trim and attach with ribbon to the handle. (Some people like to put a few crumbs of the cookies in with them.)

I made you yummy cookies And dropped them. . . Oh man!
But then I got a great idea And swept them in this pan.
Now they really are special And you're going to love me,
Cause these broken cookies Lost every single calorie!
Dustpan Cookies © 2000 by

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